Pure Existence

Archive for the ‘Passionate’ Category

May 2, 2011 will always be a celebrated day in my family. For that day brought my second child, my second son, Declan James! It was quite the adventure up until that point, and then even after. My first pregnancy was very very simple, not a blimp of difference from allowing it to be categorized as “a boring normal pregnancy” The labor was very very calm compared to what I thought it would be, I felt very in control of everything. Sebastian was too easy from pregnancy to labor, to being a infant. Declan, however, would make up for that.
I started contractions at about midnight on May 2. When I realized I could not sleep through them and they were coming every 10 mins I was starting to keep track. I went to the bathroom at about 5 am when contractions were every 7 mins apart. I had some light spotting. I thought that couldn’t be right. My midwife had just told me at about 7pm the night before that my cervix wasn’t favorable to induce me. Now here I was having a mind battle if this was happening. I decided to call my midwife. She told me she would be on her way to me. …. OH did I mention I was 39 weeks pregnant, with mild preeclampsia and have been on bed rest for the past 2 weeks…and I was about to have my FIRST homebirth?
I woke my husband after I showered and told him Kelly was on her way! We sat in our sitting room, completely comfortable, listening to music and just chatting. I did my make up, ate some toast, my husband ate. Sebastian was still asleep in our bed. Already this was starting off to a amazing birth experience, no running around gathering things and forgetting some I would later need. No waking up my son frantically and wonder what to do with him, no cramping into a car for a drive being in a uncomfortable position to get through contractions. I just sat in the comfort of my home, with freedom to walk around my home or to eat when I was hungry.
My midwife and mother-in-law were on their way. I cannot remember who arrived first…just that my midwife walked through the door and I was ready to get things going! Well, of course my contractions slowed. So we waited for a little bit. My midwife played with my son, my mother-in-law ordered pizza, we all shared stories that made me laugh so hard my contractions would tinge back for a second. I think that was planned. lol. It was like a girls get together!  But eventually I was exhausted and needed a nap, so my midwife and her assistant tucked me in my bed after checking to see how far along we were, and doing a little tugging to keep things going.

I awoke to giggles and girl talk, my son playing. We waited a little bit and then decided breaking my water would be best…..and 30 mins later came some good old contractions…and then the ones that made me think “oh my this is what labor feels like” At about 5pm Declan James came into this world. I was relieved to have that horrid pain over with, (this time around I felt the pain I had expected labor to be like), the pregnancy that brought on arthritis, and preeclampsia, and bed rest. Declan had sure made me know who was in control. And wouldn’t you know it…even after he was born he still kept us on our toes. My first words when I saw him “hes so small is that ok?’ My first child was 9lbs 6.5oz..Declan was 5lbs 14oz..due to the high blood pressure. As he sat on my chest and my midwife was toweling him off his color started to not look so good. He wasnt crying and it didnt take me long to realize that he was turning very blue! Like it was without a thought, my midwife told her assistant to hand her the bulb, and she tried to squeegy out anything that might be keeping him from breathing. It made him make a tiny little noise, but he still wasnt breathing. I just layed in the pool, with my midwife hovering over me, she too was standing in the pool, my son on my chest and she grabbed a different clear tube device that goes down their throat….not sure what that was, but she did that and he again did a little noise, but still nothing….I just stared into my midwifes face looking for a sign that she was getting worried..she was very poised. Just about a minute and a half passed when finally, my midwife just breathed her own breath right into him….and put some oxygen on him for a couple of seconds…and he CRIED! I remember not being too worried because my midwife didnt look too worried, and just thinking why is he doing this. A weird thought I know, but after everything I was like Declan just wont let up! I was relieved to hear him cry and that the whole time he was laying on my chest, and I could see that he was ok, and I could talk to him while my midwife did what most of america claims cant be done at a homebirth.

I eventually was moved to my bed from the pool. I got to spend time with my family in our own home, and shower in my own shower. I didn’t have to spend the night away from my son, or husband. We all slept in my bed together the first night as a family of four. My house was cleaned up and the next day you couldn’t even tell that my living room was the location of a birth.

Today just 3 weeks later, Declan is doing great. He was slow at gaining weight, which was another bit of a scare for me, but he is growing. I have the beautiful memory of my homebirth still, and I am so grateful for finding a midwife who is as amazing as mine to attend my homebirth.


I was parked outside of a laundromat waiting on my husband to come out of the local Stewarts with some milk and juice. I was looking around and noticed a man, not in too good of shape, but not too bad either. He walked up to the garbage opened it and peeked in. He pulled out a brown bag looked inside and, “click click click”, I locked my doors. He didn’t find any food in the bag so he just put it back in and sat at the bench. I watched him for a second to see what he was going to do. Nothing…just sat there. Well it was about 6pm. I knew the second my husband came out of the store with our beverages, the man would approach him for money. Sure enough he did. However, we don’t carry cash, nor do we have much to spare, we are a single income family who have to budget wisely, in which with my chocolate cravings and gas prices has not been so easy lately! I unlocked the door for my husband to put his beverages down and he went inside to grab our laundry. We didn’t say a word. When he came back I asked him “did he ask you for money?” and he replied yes of course. I told him hes probably just hungry. We sat there for a second. My husband reached in his bag and grabbed out a 1/2 gallon of his apple juice and got out of the car. I watched him walk over to the man and hand it to him. It then occurred to me that we hesitated at first. We almost didn’t care! I even locked my doors. I think that is where the problem is at. Now don’t get me wrong everyone has their own lives, but too many people would look at that man and just not care. They would rather pass judgement on them “go get a job” or “how did you end up this way anyway” or “they probably would buy beer”. I too have had these thoughts before. However, we don’t know his story. He could have had a job, a home, food, but he might have lost it and then everything else. He could not even like alcohol. He is probably wishing he had a job. A person would rather walk by and ignore him, not care that he might be going hungry for the third day in a row. I wish I had atleast a dollar to hand this man. Just FOUR quarters! But I had just put mine in the washing machine. When we drove away I felt like I should have done more, I wish I could have done more. I was so proud that my husband went back over to him and gave him some of what we had, without saying anything mean to the man, just wishing him luck. We need more people to care. If you think about it, how many times have you spent tons of money on pointless things? So passing a buck to this person would probably feel better than buying that cheeseburger that your not even hungry for, but are just bored and figured you’d eat something. I have decided to try and always have a dollar on me….in any way, bill or change, help is help, and if you reached out for it, you would hope someone would care too.

I am completely outraged by the way things have “advanced” in america. From medicine to meat to overall attitude. Can I just buy a slab of meat without wondering how dry it is going to make my skin, how full of toxic waste it is. We in america have a problem; we create a problem and try to fix it before there even is one. Why were antibiotics made? To help sick get better. Not to assume someone is going to get sick, so we just jump ahead and decide to give it to every child, cow, chicken, and pig. Well if we cared more about the animals, and cleaned up their living quarters and allowed them to live like normal cows should, then we wouldn’t have to worry about them all getting sick. Today everything is over pumped full of chemicals and most people just are used to it that they see nothing wrong with it. Well I do. Eczema for one has gotten so out of hand…like every child has it. Maybe if their food wasn’t deprived of natural oils, and replaced with growth hormones, our children wouldn’t suffer dry itchy skin and early menstruation. Another “advancement” in medicine…the birthing world. Like HOLY COW! You can now schedule a C-section, and a tummy tuck, back to back in some areas. Whens your due date? “Oh its whenever I decide that Its convenient to me to rip my baby from the womb, not when the baby is done getting ready for life on the outside” What the hell is wrong with people. Yes for some, it is needed and for those who need a EMERGENCY c-section, Im thankful they have that option. However, its not always a emergency. Maybe if from the get go, you decided not to interfere with the body’s natural response to labor, you wouldn’t require such serious surgery. And that is what it is…its serious. You are slicing into your body, through whatever is in the way, intestines…what ever…and people don’t realize this. I hate a person who says “oh yeah Im getting the epidural” Why, because you are going in with a preconceived notion that it is needed. NO it isn’t, and it should only be available if the occasion for it should arrive. I tell people this. Don’t say you don’t want it, but don’t say you do. No one is super woman, but wait for the need for it to come, it probably never will.  By going in there ready for the epidural, you are basically signing up for mounds of other interventions you never even realized. Such as PITOCIN. Good luck with that one. Thought you would be in pain before? Try it now… So due to increased contractions lasting longer and more fierce, you end up upping your epidural…which slows labor again…which then ups your pitocin…which by now the baby is being stressed out by the lack of oxygen it is getting and the constant squeezing and pressure from longer lasting and harsher contractions…Oh now you need a “emergency” c-section for the baby’s safety. Well, almost certainly never would have been needed if you didn’t start a intervention in the first place. We in america live by “newer is better” well no, no it is NOT. Yes some advancements and changes are nice to have, such as the seatbelt, and the telephone. But there is a sense of entitlement to control every thing in life that we are losing out on the most important of all…the entitlement to the most pure and natural way of things. It is empowering listening to your body guide you through the most important and most accomplishing moment in life, and people just give that away so they can make the vacation in Hawaii. I feel bad for the moms who do NEED to have a c-section and would much rather have the opportunity to deliver naturally. I feel bad for the cow sitting in between bars not even able to clean themselves, being force fed crap. I feel bad for the people who don’t care to think if what they are doing, or eating, or proposing is really the best choice for themselves. I think the only way to care enough about yourself is to care enough to educate yourself on what really happens behind closed doors…the doors to surgery, the doors to your womb, the doors to the factory houses that we buy our meats from. The best existence is pure existence….NATURAL!

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